Name That Dipstick

GUESS WHO?

NAME THAT DIPSTICK
Here is your first test! I'll present a few obscure facts and sometimes even a picture of a person to see if you can identify him or her. Mind you, it won't be easy; you will see from the following that I have been intentionally vague.

This Dipstick was once known for being the brother of a budding business tycoon named Billy. The brother was a rising star in the brewing industry until the Dipstick drew attention to the family name by stumbling through his fifteen minutes (read four-years) of fame in the public's eye.

In 1973, Dipstick filed a report on his 1969 UFO sighting with the International UFO Bureau in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. However, in 2007, Dipstick stated that he did not remember why he filed the report and that he believes he probably only did it at the request of one of his children. (This is called the "I don't remember" defense" now used by politicians worldwide.)

When dipstick decided to run for national office he told his family of his intention to run for President, his mother asked, "President of what?" (Thanks Ma.)

An author, writing on the history of dipstick's fame said in his 1980 book:
What Dipstick had that his opponents did not was the acceptance and support of elite sectors of the 'mass communications media.� It was their favorable coverage that gave him an edge, propelling him rocket-like to the top of the opinion polls. This helped Dipstick win key primary election victories, enabling him to rise from an obscure public figure to President-elect in the short space of 9 months.

Wow, does that sound familiar or what? But wait, there�s more: �His position as an outsider, distant from Washington, D.C., became an asset! The centerpiece of his campaign platform was government reorganization!�

Golly gee whiz, where have I heard this before? This is d�j� vu all over again! (Thanks Yogi.)
When he did win a national election it was against Gerald (Ho-hum) Ford and his running mate, Robert (Ho-hum the second) Dole. Ford had just pardoned Richard Nixon, which made him very popular with just about nobody!

Dipstick began the race with a sizable lead over Ford, who was able to narrow the gap over the course of the campaign by shutting up, saying nothing and letting our Dipstick do all the talking. Alas, Ford was unable to prevent Dipstick from narrowly defeating him on November 2, 1976.

After winning the election, Dipstick insured his defeat in the next election by proving his ineptness in virtually everything he personally touched. He won the hearts of very few when he canceled military pay raises and declared amnesty to Vietnam draft dodgers. He did win the admiration of at least a dozen like-minded whackos when he encouraged energy conservation, installed solar panels in the White House and wore sweaters while turning down the heat. (The old carbon-sweater-footprint ploy!)

Dipstick then went on to even more fame when he capitulated to that world power, Panama, and gave them the Panama Canal Zone! An irreplaceable strategic asset the US spent great amounts of money, grit and lives to achieve was given away.

Revelling in their intellectual success over an unarmed administration, the Panamanian government immediately started cozying up to the Chinese who were looking for a place to spend their money and stick a thorn in the side of America at the same time.

The American people once more realized they had been talked into a terrible mistake (mainly by the main-stream-media) so Dipstick was barely nominated by his own party for re-election in the next presidential race ... which he lost to Ronaldus Maximus.

Dipstick then, pretty much, disappeared from the public view although the same organization that honored another mindless, empty-suit, Al Gore, gave him a peace award.

Big Clue:Recently, Dipstick tried to regain some lost repute by playing the 'way-too-overused' race card! Although this tactic has recently been dredged-up ad infinitum to quash any criticism of the left and especially black politicians and political wannabes, Dipstick decided to try and silence the rising tide of public activism by blurting out the hackneyed accusation.

Of course it didn�t work. People really do want to criticize something they don�t agree with and are sick and tired of being maligned for doing so. Even the President, seeing what damage Dipstick could cause with wild and unfounded accusations, distanced himself from the Peanut Man!

Of course this is the same president that blames the previous administration, all Republicans, The Fox Network, the police and everyone attending Tea Parties for all of his problems. Yes, the same one that named as one of his closest confidants, a man who accused whites of "polluting black neighborhoods and having a greater propensity to kill en masse in schools" as environmental adviser to the White House.

Nevertheless, once again, Our Dipstick has ignored common sense, opened his big mouth and 'stood up� when he should have 'shut-up.�

In a statement to a Colombian newspaper, Dipstick talks about a coup to overthrow Venezuelan president Chavez.
"I think there is no doubt that in 2002, the United States had at the very least full knowledge about the coup, and could even have been directly involved." Way to stand up for your country Dipstick!

One final clue: Dipstick could say, "My Name is Earl!"
I know I�ve given you precious few hints but after all, this is a test. Okay, now go ahead � NAME THAT DIPSTICK!