A Pest - Moi

There was the time when my Sister and her boyfriend (my Brother-In-Law for the past six decades) locked me out of the house, referring to me as "The Pest."

A Pest ... Moi?

I remember walking up to the family grocery store, putting on my most sorrowful look of innocence (later copied by Puss In Boots in the Shrek movie) and telling my Uncles Vince and Louie of my banishment at the hand of my evil Sister. I would have referred to her as my "Evil Step-Sister" to drive home the point but, even then, I knew my limits.

I never could remember where my Mother and Dad were. Besides, they wouldn't have fallen for the sob story anyway ... they knew me too well.

To my Uncle's credit, they didn't roll their eyes ... even when I suggested that I was possibly on the brink of starvation without access to the refrigerator at home.

They cut me a generous slice of 'square-luncheon-meat' and made a sandwich of it with saltine crackers. I thought it the best compensation a poor, defenceless innocent like myself could ever receive.

Of course the experience created a monster. It was, ever after, my goal to be locked out of the house and made to throw myself on the generous mercies of Uncle Vince and Uncle Louie.

And of course ... I was a pest. I was my Sister's little-brother ... It's what we do!